Don't Squeeze the Life Out of Life

Sometimes, when you think you have it all together, you realize you're falling apart the most.

The Truth About Control

I’m a recovering control-aholic. I battle it daily. I can’t even pinpoint when it started, but it’s impacted so much of my life. Growing up in a dysfunctional home leaves deep impacts that sneak up on you. For me, those impacts show up as a need for control. It’s not that I want to control everything, or even enjoy it—most days, it’s exhausting! When the “control monster” kicks in, I wish I could just let go of my vice grip on life and let things unfold as they will.

Chaos, the Root of Control  

With time, I’ve learned to manage it better, but the drive to control still shows up. Why do I need to control everything? It’s simple, yet complicated. I don’t like chaos. If I think someone’s behavior, attitude, or decisions might disrupt my world, I try to squash the problem before it even starts.  

Fortunately, I discovered something that has transformed this tendency: GRIT— God Really Is There. This truth has become the most valuable tool for my journey in letting go. When I trust that God is present, loving, and in control, I don’t have to be.  

The Ripple Effect of My Past  

Looking back, my need for control seems to have taken root in my earliest memories, where chaos surrounded me. My father seemed to bring confusion and tension with him everywhere, and my mother—bless her heart—had a way of being passive-aggressive even in innocent situations.  

This desire to control grew through my 20s and ran wild for about 15 years. Embarrassingly, I tried to control everything—from how the dishes went in the dishwasher to the actions and thoughts of people around me. I finally realized that, ironically, in my attempt to dodge chaos, I was creating it.  

The Turning Point  

By the time I turned 30, I was exhausted and had to face that this wasn’t sustainable. That year was a turning point. In 11 short months, I went through a divorce after 20 years together, welcomed my son Elijah into the world, and lost my father. Everything I’d planned for and expected went flying into a black hole. Suddenly, I had no plan and no way to make one. For the first time, I couldn’t rely on my own strength. My only answer was to lean on faith—something I couldn’t control, see, or manipulate. Letting go felt terrifying because it was a solution I couldn’t shape with my own hands.  

But that’s what I did. Gradually, I began to release control over little things. I learned that if the dishes weren’t done exactly how I wanted, it didn’t mean they were done wrong. And it turns out, people could act differently than I expected without it being a slight against me. I began to learn from others and see value in perspectives I’d never considered.  

Finding Freedom and Living with GRIT  

Watching people around me react to life was an eye-opener. I noticed how others dealt with stress, let go of frustrations, and shrugged off things they couldn’t control without carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Slowly, I began to see the freedom in releasing control. I couldn’t make everything go my way, but I could control my thoughts, my reactions, and my choices.  

This realization was like a weight lifted from my shoulders, and I finally felt the peace of just being. Living with GRIT—knowing God Really Is There—freed me up to enjoy life and not let it slip through my fingers. Instead of trying to control the uncontrollable, I learned to revel in the life God has blessed me with, and it’s better than I ever imagined.  

The Power of a Changed Life  

Over the last decade, I’ve grown so much. I know who I am, where I stand, and how to show up as a lighter, happier version of myself. I still feel the pull to control from time to time, but I recognize the situations and people that trigger that part of me. Now, I choose people and places that support my growth and bring out my best.  

Living Life Fully  

If you’ve struggled with control, know that it can get better. Be accountable to yourself and dig into the root of what’s driving those feelings. If something is in your power to change, muster the courage to change it. If it’s outside your control, trust the one who is in control. For me, that’s God—the best problem-solver I know. Living with GRIT is knowing that God really is there, handling what I don’t need to.